Everything you need to know about succeeding sales you probably learned on the playground.
Child psychologists call it social competence: the set of social, emotional and cognitive skills that you develop at the jungle gym and subsequently rely on in the corporate jungle.
In essence, social competence is a fancy word for likability, and likability is perhaps the most underrated sales skill. It’s not smooth talk. It’s not persistence (though that helps). It’s not the ability to multi-task. No, it’s the ability endear yourself to others that matters most.
Consider this passage from The Encyclopedia of Childhood and Adolescence, by Janet A. Welsh, Ph.D. and Karen L. Bierman, Ph.D. :
[S]ocially competent children are able to consider others' perspectives, can sustain their attention to the play task, and are able to "keep their cool" in situations involving conflict. They are agreeable and have good problem-solving skills. Socially competent children are also sensitive to the nuances of "play etiquette." They enter a group using diplomatic strategies, such as commenting upon the ongoing activity and asking permission to join in. They uphold standards of equity and show good sportsmanship, making them good companions and fun play partners.
Children who have problems making friends, those who are either "neglected" or "rejected" sociometrically, often show deficits in social skills. One of the most common reasons for friendship problems is behavior that annoys other children. Children, like adults, do not like behavior that is bossy, self-centered, or disruptive. [Emphasis added]
Yes, the passage refers to children, but the fact is, playground politics don’t change—they just change venues, they move from the playground to the office park.
Try to conjure the negative stereotype of a sales person. Is this person … bossy? Check. What about self-centered? Check. Disruptive? You get the idea. When I asked my fiancé to list adjectives to describe the stereotypical salesperson, she listed unctuous, reptilian, opportunistic, predatory. Yikes.
On the other hand, picture a successful agent: he or she is likely overflowing with social competence: empathetic, focused, level-headed, sensitive to the nuances of etiquette.
Here’s the good news: it doesn’t matter if you were the kid who stood in the corner waiting for recess to end. It’s not too late to develop social competence. As career coach Penelope Trunk noted on her blog, “the biggest impediment to likeability is not caring. So if you ‘just decide you want to do better,’ you probably will."